I mentioned noticing hair loss a few posts ago. At this point I have to face the reality that my hair is seriously falling out. Today I can see my scalp. The texture has changed and it is noticeably thinner, especially around the front of my face. There was a time when I’d be taking 60 mg prednisone a day and my hair would become brittle and break easily. My present dose of prednisone is 5 mg, so I don’t think that’s the problem. My thyroid levels are normal. Is it the Imuran I’m taking? Is it the infusions? I started noticing some moderate hair loss after starting Imuran, but only when I was drying my hair. A few weeks ago my dose was increased by 50 mg. During this period, I also started immunoglobulin infusions.
So here’s the rub. There’s nothing I can do about this. I could stop taking Imuran, but I’m not 100% sure that’s the problem. I don’t think the IVIG is the culprit. Not knowing what the hell’s going on here really pisses me off! What’s next? Who knows? Should I buy a wig? I’m sick of having to stop and adjust to yet another lupus-related problem in my life.
Yes, I know there are people out there with bigger problems than mine. Yes, I’m grateful for all the good things in my life. But today, I’m ranting. Today lupus has the upper hand … again. Today I feel helpless.
Not too long ago I read a blog where the author posed the question: ” What do you do to relieve stress?” I know what helps and what doesn’t. But I’m not interested in constructive ideas at the moment. I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and cry. I want someone to put their arms around me and tell me they love me no matter what I look like. I want to take a shower and not have a handful of hair circle the drain. I want to pull myself together, feel brave and keep moving forward but today I just can’t.